day 1 and 2

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Instead of meditating at night, when I am exhausted and more likely to fall asleep, I chose to begin my practice in the morning, upon waking. I do get out of bed and make some tea before sitting back, with my legs crossed, and children roaming around the house getting ready for school. It isn’t as distracting as I had originally thought, I am more than capable of focusing for a few minutes with the hustle and bustle of morning routines. I am grateful, however, for children who are self-starters, and have reached an age where they can get themselves ready (for the most part).

Yesterday, the first day of this new practice, I chose to use the Headspace App. It had been previously suggested by a number of people, and though I know that I have the ability to settle my mind on my own, it is much easier to do so when I have someone else walking me through it. I know that many people may find it distracting, listening to someone talking and trying to focus on their breath at the same time – but, if done in a way that is right for the person, guided meditations can be beneficial.

I went into the meditation, on both days, with actual joy – it was not the typical sort of joy that most people experience, but my own personal version of joy, the sort of joy I experience through the darkness of my ever-persistent depression. Going into something with this sort of feeling is truly the best way to do it – when you go into something with a more bright disposition (I won’t say happy, or joyful, or peaceful because that may be impossible for some), you tend to be more receptive to the positive benefits of something, instead of being skeptical of the outcome.

I was able to go through each meditation with a sense of calm that is usually not my normal in the morning. However, getting to bed at a decent time, and waking up nearly with the sun, tends to give me a few moments of peace and calm in the morning in and of themselves. To be fair, the meditations that I am doing are only three minutes long, but that is just long enough to bring me back to myself from my wanderings in the world of Dreams during the night.

It has helped me to go through my entire morning of getting children ready for school without as much overwhelm as I experience on other days. Granted, I still tend to get a bit overwhelmed after school is out and the children are home (all three of them are energetic and tired at the same time, which makes for meltdowns and their own forms of severe overwhelm and anxiety).

I will try to update this more regularly, each morning preferably, but some days get away from me before I realise what I have and have not done.

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The Journey Begins

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“We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls.”
― Anaïs Nin, The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Vol. 7: 1966-1974

I do not sit well in silence, most days. Within silence lies a sort of white noise, and sometimes within that white noise, I hear words that I wouldn’t ever wish anyone to hear. However, I am in need of silence so I will be undergoing a ten-day meditation course, and this journal will be my record.

Thank you all for joining me on this journey, I hope that some of you will be inspired to seek that inner silence, regardless of the white noise that fills your thoughts.